Cynthia Sexton’s Podcasts

The Self ~trusting our instincts (5:30 minutes)

Thu, 1 Oct 2009 10:47:32 -0400

Let’s take a look at why human beings change and why we or others will get stuck remaining trapped in lower expressions of themselves. Many of you know people who simply will not change and take pride in that fact. Why the difference between these two types of human beings?

Carl Jung says in his book The Undiscovered Self --“Nothing estranges man more from the ground plan of his instincts than his learning capacity, which turns out to be a genuine drive toward progressive transformations of human modes of behavior.”

I’ll let this poem define this statement more. This quote captures it’s essence best:

The capacity to learn is a gift;
The ability to learn is a skill;
The WILLINGNESS to learn is a choice. –the author is unknown

Jung goes on to explain: “It (the capacity to learn), more than anything else, is responsible for the altered conditions of our existence and the need for new adaptations which civilization brings. It is also the source of numerous psychic disturbances and difficulties occasioned by man's progressive alienation from his instinctual foundation, i.e., by his uprootedness and identification with his conscious knowledge of himself, by his concern with consciousness at the expense of the unconscious. The result is that modern man can know himself only in so far as he can become conscious of himself....” ~(Carl Jung, The Undiscovered Self)

There within that quote is the answer to questions we often as about others we love and care about and even about ourselves. We ask: “Why do they act this way”; “Why make such bad decisions doesn’t she see what she is doing to her life?”; “What is the matter with me, how can I keep acting this way?”. Jung suggests that the answer lies in our disconnection from our instincts that come to as communication from our real Self. If these instincts are ignored, or simply unavailable to us because of fear, he says essentially we are on our own then to journey through life with the information we have consciously about ourselves. Which translates into generally stagnation, or minimal transformation.

This is such an important point of view that I will be creating a seminar on my 2010 Seminar Schedule to be posted soon. In the meantime, watch for those hunches and honor them. By trusting the SELF within you and it’s Wisdom you are able to continue the journey of becoming who you have the potential of becoming that is so much more than what you know of yourself today.

Thank you for joining me today. Pass the word along that the weekly podcasts have once again begun.

Bye for now ~ Cynthia

Rejection~the painful projection- a review (9:31 minutes)

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:17:41 -0400

We have all engaged in rejecting someone in our past. For today though, I want to explore with you our experience of being rejected by someone or by something outside of ourselves.

What happens to us if we become so adverse to these feelings of rejection that we end up with a hyperactive radar system that looks for it anywhere? Well… we can call this insecurity, trauma, drama, or a wound. What if our response to this hurt is the opposite, and we shut-down instead? You might find these compensating behaviors: being numb, callous, indifferent, or unnaturally superficial.

Here is what we can do: the first step is to engage and deal with our inner life injuries. This raising of our consciousness will not make our histories change. Our stories are what they are for the duration of our lives. If we have felt the feeling of rejection and abandonment we will remain at risk of these feelings activating when we are tired, hungry, in any transition from one task to another or from one life change to another. Know that this is true, then be cautious and attentive to your needs in these vulnerable times.

Next, we need to live life with a thicker skin. This comes from self-esteem, a deep sense of self-worth. We achieve this by being witness to our own actions when there is no one watching, and by also witnessing the workings of our thoughts when there is no one there to listen except ourselves. As we become more empathetic we become less judgmental. The more in-touch we are with our inner life and it’s imperfections the more tolerant we are with that of others.

It is here in this process of evolving that our natural dignity arises from the ashes of our past. We begin to feel deep within us that life is about learning how to become the better person we KNOW we can be. The amazing fact of this Truth is that we only need to keep trying. It does not matter how many times we fail, we must simply keep trying. By doing so we actually obligate the Natural Laws of the Universe to align on our behalf.

Now, the truth is that the journey of aspiring to a greater good can only be achieved by descending into our own darkness. No, not badness. Darkness is to me defined as limited thoughts and reactions, unconscious behavior, the absence of awareness of the vulnerability of others; darkness is also the undiscovered potential within us. I can go on and on here but for today let’s move on… I’ll say more about this another time.

Remember: Each of us, even people we are inclined to dislike are emotionally vulnerable. Yes, everyone. In defense of the unconscious people who cross our paths each day remember that they may really be defending a deep wound and then you will see anticipatory self-protection, habitual unconscious learned behavior of being offensive in words, facial grimaces, looks or style. What we need to learn is to remember is that we have a responsibility to think and not just reacted to people who disturb our equilibrium. Compassion unfolds in our hearts with effort on our part. It emerges as we learn to feel empathy. Try to identify what is at the core of a person to make them behave the way they do. Ask yourself: is it untreated biochemical imbalance, a past trauma, habitual behavior imprinted in childhood by a dysfunctional family, and if you cannot tell immediately assign one of these to this person. But you must ask yourself this most important question: Do they or their behavior remind me of someone from my life who rejected me? Is this person here before me to help me do more of my inner work with feelings that I cannot yet control? Maybe…

Here are two websites to explore. Simple and practical too:

Rejection: http://net-burst.net/hot/cope.htm
Abandonment: http://www.abandonmentrecovery.com/abando.anon.html

In closing for today I would like to leave you with these words from ever so wise people:

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” Peace Pilgrim 1908 -1981 quotes (American Teacher and Spiritual leader and Peace Prophet,)

This shows us the damage done by the negative force of rejection and abandonment.

“Deep down even the most hardened criminal is starving for the same thing that motivates the innocent baby: Love and acceptance”
Lily Fairchilde quotes

And last but not least:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Jalal ad-Din Rumi quotes (Persian Poet and Mystic, 1207-1273)

Bye for now…. ~ Cynthia

The Wooden Bowl~by Anonymous (7:12 minutes)

Thu, 2 Jul 2009 10:36:04 -0400

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. 'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

The writer goes on to say......

Keep these things in your heart:

I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a “life”.

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about. I just did, I couldn’t resist.

This lovely piece is titled “FRIENDSHIP CANDLE ~ the Candle of Love, Hope, and Friendship” --In closing it goes on to say:

This is to all of you who mean something to me,
I pray for your happiness.

This email-candle was lit on the 15th of September, 1998

Someone who loves you has helped keep it alive by sending it to you. Don't let The Candle of Love, Hope and Friendship die. Pass It On To All Of Your Friends and Everyone You Love!
May God richly bless you.........

Until we meet again next week, remember the quote by Mark Twain: “Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” Words to live and love by forever….

Bye for now ~ Cynthia

The Reluctant Partner ~ the masks we wear and why (11:40 minutes)

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:37:06 -0400

As I mentioned last week it was my intention to present this topic today. So much can happen in just one week.

We have all been through so many stories of partners whose relationships have failed, even our own. There may also be failed connections with relatives, friends, co-workers. Anyone is at risk… celebrities, politicians, and religious leaders to name just a few; wealth, position, degrees and a high IQ cannot spare us from this type of relationship failure.

Recently the tragic event in the life of Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina, and his family brings this issue to the forefront again. The tabloids, opportunists, comedians, and our journalists will have much to say on all the details of this situation. For today, I would like to speak of this struggle for intimacy that has affected so many of those we love and us -- without judgment. So, let’s move forward with this exploration while putting judgment aside.

As we journey through life, from the very beginning, each experience we have imprints enormous amounts of information in our brain and within our body. This can be helpful to us and it can be the baggage we will carry with us until we learn to let go of it. Though our daily effort there is a gradual evolving, and refining of our character. As we learn, we change. The more that this historical layer of imprinted experiences erodes the more genuine we are able to be. Who we have had the potential of becoming in this lifetime, gradually emerges. Our True Nature unfolds just as a seedling does.

It is our capacity to connect with our Core Truth that ultimately creates our satisfying relationships. We cannot sustain a connection if we are functioning from IMAGE instead of our TRUE NATURE. We are all susceptible to this downfall into shallowness. Here’s how…

The artificial construct of a MASK we will wear as an image can occur innocently. At the beginning of young adulthood, when we are least defined as individuals, we are most vulnerable. We can at this point be tempted to take a shortcut. We will all agree, I believe, that a mask is easier to put on as an identity than the tedious task of excavating our True Nature and risking the consequences of rejection and exile from those that find who we really are objectionable. Being different than family and friends in philosophy, sexuality, religion, politics may be more conflict than what we feel equipped to face. We often have to face these differences eventually. Many times we postpone dealing with them until we are better defined and stronger to handle what may erupt from the perceived threatening differences from insecure individuals who are nevertheless important to us.

As we progress in life there are other times when we can lose our way. The greater temptations come from the endless invitations to put on the Mask of Success, Power, Celebrity, Company Star, or that of a Martyr, Victim, Bum, Loser and so on.

When we are disconnected from our True Nature that defines us from within… we are like a boat without oars. If we are to be guided by inner wisdom, higher principles, and intuitive instinct we must be actively seeking authenticity. It does not matter how many times we fail or compromise we simply need to keep trying. Each time we try being honest from our core, attempt to speak our truth… we gain greater strength and courage. As we learn to stand firm in our truth, speak its words and dare to live by them we create a life that is in accord with our True Nature.

The desire to be authentic is so great that if our image will not allow us to feel the natural satisfaction that comes with being real then we will unconsciously seek it in a side-way behavior. Repress this energy and a covert life that meets the unfulfilled needs will be created. The dynamic forcefulness of this urge will push us into actions that will assist our stepping out of any inertia that has gripped us. Even actions that might cause terrible trouble that ultimately free us by exposing our Truth. The recent example of Gov. Sanford comes to my mind here.

The more we inappropriately compromise our Self/our Soul Essence by giving in to the EGO’S longings for the superficial benefits of an externally appealing IMAGE and the personal power it may afford us, the greater the damage done to our ability to be intimate. Yet, nothing is irreversible; we can be freed from the grips of this false face if we dare to do the inner work.

We cannot step forward to connect with another when who we are feels false to us. We simply become Reluctant Partners. If this is not corrected we can become engaged outside of our primary partnership to create Covert Partnerships… such as: an affair, overwork, and exclusive activities to name a few options. From this level we will quickly descend into a life lived potentially alone. In this space of pain and despair we can change ourselves and our lives. We often come to realize at this point of the dismantling of our IMAGE that there is nothing to be gained by personally avoiding change by thinking we can change our partner.

If a life path correction is made it is because of a more expansive consciousness having awakened. Best of all, of course is when each partner changes, and intimacy deepens. However, if that does not happen we have two choices: move on to attempting again to express and live our Truth in a new set of circumstances with others better equipped to meet us intimately, or stay the same change nothing and risk depression and mounting resentment. When the old way of relating dies and more authentic partnering skills emerge deeper relationship is possible. As you know so well it is a process.

So, the next time we meet someone whose story, mask, or image annoys us or inspires us let’s remember – it is our opportunity to embrace the natural compassion and tolerance that abides within us. Let’s challenge ourselves to honor these qualities equally, at the least let’s try not to glamorize the positive or judge negatively anyone as a matter of spiritual practice.

This is the essence of real intimacy. We will not fully comprehend the real value and benefits of the events of another person’s spiritual journey or the reasons why one is wearing this Mask, or that Image. We can, however, be certain that there is much opportunity for new learning at hand and therefore healing as well.

If you have a Reluctant Partner at home, at work or within your family or you are yourself one and have tried to make changes but find that you need help, don’t hesitate call me. That’s why I am here.

Until next week, I wish you the very best this week has to offer.

Bye for now. ~ Cynthia

On Being a Partner ~ more than a shred of dignity is needed (8:20 minutes)

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 09:52:07 -0400

Marriage is the most difficult path when one attempts to be present to the challenges of shared life as a place for spiritual practice. Add children, extended family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and finances to that mix and now we have a nearly impossible challenge to meet. Sure, we might achieve a sense of inner holiness in a cave but expose us to the chaos of daily life with its demands and we can be reduced to our lowest self-expression. How do we reclaim our dignity when we are pushed beyond our capacity to cope well?

In actuality, I am amazed that any partnerships ever succeed since the psychological strain alone can be immense. Were you a daily witness to fruitful partnerships growing up? Did you ever see co-operation anywhere? Instead you might have witnessed gossip, backbiting, one-upmanship, lying, covert actions, ongoing struggles for power, and secrecy. Any one of these can be damaging to our ability to trust our partner, or be trust-worthy ourselves. These imprints are carried by us throughout life, and can be activated as a coping strategy during times of stress, strain and exhaustion.

Here in the western world our purpose for marrying varies these are few reasons: some marry because of the very tender feelings they have for another, for others it is raw attraction without much thought at all of anything else, and we have all known those who wanted to get ahead materially to improve their image. Rarely do potential marriage partners identify their reason for union as being -- to advance spiritually.

The urge to become free from our limited minds, feelings and behavior is great. This instinctive desire to be free is so deeply integrated within us that we can be absolutely unconscious of the fact that our eventual dissatisfaction with our partner comes from a profound disappointment. Somewhere around the third hour, day, month, or year we awaken and realize that we married a mortal and an imperfect one. We ask, “What was I thinking?” Well, we weren’t. We were compelled.

Desire is powerful and it is this driving energy that pushes us to unite with chaos not for destructive reasons, on the contrary. Passion is a connecting force; it unites us to our next lessons of spiritual life. We are not here on Earth for the sake of mere pleasure; we are here to engage in the transformation of our limitations where ever they made be hiding. The wisdom of the soul gives us the instinctive awareness that will guide us to make these changes. Ensuring that we will be led to connect to the next persons, circumstances, or places that can help advance us spiritually. Even if it means bringing “trouble” to our door.

So… partnership at its best is with God, next is with a beloved who helps raise you up to your potential and never puts you down, and one who holds you in esteem even when you might have just embarrassed yourself by acting badly. This kind of partner always remembers that we are aspiring students, and not yet perfected. Marriages like this will last because of its depth and because of the respect we feel, our dignity is not damaged. Superficial marriages break easily under the natural strain of life events.

Even if your relationships are fragile, they can be deepened. The first step is to end all power struggles immediately. To achieve that it is we who must change. Change yourself by changing your behavior, your thinking, your reactions, your opinions; your pain lessened, by you, matters. Watch the healing that unfolds from the action of Self-Love; this IS the real transformative power. It is harder to change ourselves than it is to change someone else, and because of this the Universe, by Law, is then obligated to help us. The Grace and miracles that will manifest then make life easier, and with our dignity strengthened and supported we can move forward together.

Until we meet again next Thursday at 8 am. May you sleep well every night knowing that you are living a good life of spiritual partnership through the quality of choices you make -- especially when there is no one there as a witness -- except you and God.

Bye for now! ~ Cynthia